I'm not feeling very great today. Everything feels so down and blue that it just doesn't seem right.
Maybe its because I have not been very happy or even content with what I am doing. I'm not sure anymore... I feel really lonely and not motivated to do anything. The day just seem really slow and not entertaining.
Not really enjoying anything at the moment. Everything just feels out of place.
`~CheckedOut!
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
Friday, May 20, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Poof
I feel like I am treading water almost about to drown.
Yupp... that is just about right.
`~CheckedOut!
Yupp... that is just about right.
`~CheckedOut!
Saturday, December 4, 2010
I'm a terrible daughter...
I was not able to book off today or tomorrow from work.
It's my moms birthday today and no one spent it with her. She was all alone for most of the day and now she is just at home cooking. She is going to cook instant noodles just so that there is some sort of consumption of noodles during her birthday.
I feel really terrible. I really feel that I failed as a daughter to not be able to spend one of the most precious days in someones life; especially the person who brought me to this world.
I want to make up for it but how can I? I found something that I think she would like but I do not know if she will be happy. Maybe I'll go somewhere. There has to be something I can do.
I am sorry mom but I really do want to wish you a Happy Birthday. I love you.
I feel horrible.
`~CheckedOut!
It's my moms birthday today and no one spent it with her. She was all alone for most of the day and now she is just at home cooking. She is going to cook instant noodles just so that there is some sort of consumption of noodles during her birthday.
I feel really terrible. I really feel that I failed as a daughter to not be able to spend one of the most precious days in someones life; especially the person who brought me to this world.
I want to make up for it but how can I? I found something that I think she would like but I do not know if she will be happy. Maybe I'll go somewhere. There has to be something I can do.
I am sorry mom but I really do want to wish you a Happy Birthday. I love you.
I feel horrible.
`~CheckedOut!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Needed to write something
I have not posted ANYTHING for like the past 10 days... just realizing it now because I have not been electronically capable for the past 10 days due to the many things that has been happening during those days.
For most, I had my family reunion to go too. It was so much fun! All the gathering of family members that you know and you hardly know. It's a amazing how one side of the family is gigantic! There are people who I never knew that they were family but been friends with. Just comes to show how the blood ties within us is somehow connected even in the smallest way. The farthest people who attended the reunion is from Philippines and Japan. Man.. was it really surprising to even see them! I was able to grab the oppourtunity to just talk to them and see them. For the 3 days that the reunion was running for, the first day was the Meet&Mingle: that day was for whoever can come and just greet each other and see each other with food, drinks and everything. The second day was the Gala Night where the whole family gathers in one hall and party it out! I got a couple of my friends to attend too and I think they had fun... from what I saw at least. The last day was the Family Picnic: we went to CenterIsland and had a BBQ Picnic. It was really great! All the attractions, open space, water... just everything! It was a great day too weather wise I mean and it is very very amazing! I enjoyed every single moment of it! It is truly amazing to what reunions can bring. I don't have any pictures to post here but in Facebook, there is a lot. Feel free to browse through... I think it should be accessible.
What else can I say... Oh yes! Recently... I got promoted to Head Supervisor. Yes, it is official, I am a Supervisor in my work. It was quite a shocker since I was told the day of when my shift started. The only thing though is that I am in another unit. I don't work at that funnel place anymore... I work at a cookie place. Its crazy and entertaining! So many things to do... I really enjoy the unit and the staff is great! I sure miss my other staff though... I really do but I know that they will always be the awesome people that I know who I got to know in the unit.
Summer school is almost over. Wednesday is the last day and the final exam for the summer school course. I have to say that I have not enjoyed it. For one... its science and I have a very difficult time with science and I mean just any science. I find it really hard to understand it. Especially this science... I felt that it had like an anthropological theme to it and hold and behold, I am not good with plain facts at all that is thrown at you and you are expected to remember such and such. It's almost over now and I am just really aiming to pass this course and get the credit. I do not really care how much it affects my GPA because I did my best and if the result is what it is doing my best then so be it and let me have it. I can only do so much for something that is very challenging in the first place. I did everything that I could and that is what I can only do. =/ So I hope to GOD that I will pass this course and grab the credit needed.
Lately I have been feeling really down since I haven't gotten the time to spend with Graham. I realized that I haven't spent full quality time together for the past 2 weeks or so. I mean... yeah I was busy but I was hoping I could spend time but it just so happens that every time I am free, he is not and vise versa. He is going somewhere, he is doing something... we are just in two opposite ends that cannot get together any way possible. I really want to spend time with him and get that feeling back. I truly miss him and I really wish I can be with him right now.
I've had a lot of mixed emotions and I am slowly eliminating the sort of unnecessary ones and sorting them out. I am a little emotional lately for whatever reason but its cause of the many things that has been happening. I am just trying to get by and enjoy as much as I can to whatever I can do. As for now... I will be me and I will live on.
Lists of things to do:
1. I still need to see Melissa for a get-together meet up. I haven't seen her in such a long time that I need to see her with my own EYES.
2. I have to go out on date with Graham. Just need to spend A LOT of time with each other.
3. Need to get my sleeping pattern right... I keep waking up the same time no matter how late I sleep
4. Restudy Japanese. I sort of lost how to compose a sentence but I can still label things and understand conversation here and there.
5. Just enjoy myself
`~CheckedOut!
For most, I had my family reunion to go too. It was so much fun! All the gathering of family members that you know and you hardly know. It's a amazing how one side of the family is gigantic! There are people who I never knew that they were family but been friends with. Just comes to show how the blood ties within us is somehow connected even in the smallest way. The farthest people who attended the reunion is from Philippines and Japan. Man.. was it really surprising to even see them! I was able to grab the oppourtunity to just talk to them and see them. For the 3 days that the reunion was running for, the first day was the Meet&Mingle: that day was for whoever can come and just greet each other and see each other with food, drinks and everything. The second day was the Gala Night where the whole family gathers in one hall and party it out! I got a couple of my friends to attend too and I think they had fun... from what I saw at least. The last day was the Family Picnic: we went to CenterIsland and had a BBQ Picnic. It was really great! All the attractions, open space, water... just everything! It was a great day too weather wise I mean and it is very very amazing! I enjoyed every single moment of it! It is truly amazing to what reunions can bring. I don't have any pictures to post here but in Facebook, there is a lot. Feel free to browse through... I think it should be accessible.
What else can I say... Oh yes! Recently... I got promoted to Head Supervisor. Yes, it is official, I am a Supervisor in my work. It was quite a shocker since I was told the day of when my shift started. The only thing though is that I am in another unit. I don't work at that funnel place anymore... I work at a cookie place. Its crazy and entertaining! So many things to do... I really enjoy the unit and the staff is great! I sure miss my other staff though... I really do but I know that they will always be the awesome people that I know who I got to know in the unit.
Summer school is almost over. Wednesday is the last day and the final exam for the summer school course. I have to say that I have not enjoyed it. For one... its science and I have a very difficult time with science and I mean just any science. I find it really hard to understand it. Especially this science... I felt that it had like an anthropological theme to it and hold and behold, I am not good with plain facts at all that is thrown at you and you are expected to remember such and such. It's almost over now and I am just really aiming to pass this course and get the credit. I do not really care how much it affects my GPA because I did my best and if the result is what it is doing my best then so be it and let me have it. I can only do so much for something that is very challenging in the first place. I did everything that I could and that is what I can only do. =/ So I hope to GOD that I will pass this course and grab the credit needed.
Lately I have been feeling really down since I haven't gotten the time to spend with Graham. I realized that I haven't spent full quality time together for the past 2 weeks or so. I mean... yeah I was busy but I was hoping I could spend time but it just so happens that every time I am free, he is not and vise versa. He is going somewhere, he is doing something... we are just in two opposite ends that cannot get together any way possible. I really want to spend time with him and get that feeling back. I truly miss him and I really wish I can be with him right now.
I've had a lot of mixed emotions and I am slowly eliminating the sort of unnecessary ones and sorting them out. I am a little emotional lately for whatever reason but its cause of the many things that has been happening. I am just trying to get by and enjoy as much as I can to whatever I can do. As for now... I will be me and I will live on.
Lists of things to do:
1. I still need to see Melissa for a get-together meet up. I haven't seen her in such a long time that I need to see her with my own EYES.
2. I have to go out on date with Graham. Just need to spend A LOT of time with each other.
3. Need to get my sleeping pattern right... I keep waking up the same time no matter how late I sleep
4. Restudy Japanese. I sort of lost how to compose a sentence but I can still label things and understand conversation here and there.
5. Just enjoy myself
`~CheckedOut!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
The Start of June
I have not been very cheerful or energetic when the month of June began. I am not sure why but I noticed it nearing the end of May. I do not know what to do to turn it around... first of all, I don't even know what is causing my low energy.
If I think about it, it could probably be a couple of things. Maybe the routine of my day or summer is just not as exciting and eventful as it could be. Maybe there is something else there that I do not know and it is causing this. It is a bother really. I guess I'm loosing excitement in my current situation. Not sure what my situation may be but I know for the fact that I am not very happy on where I stand. Maybe I should find something that will make me feel excited or more energetic. I might be burned out...
On the other hand though, I know you are right. I want to thank you for knocking some sense into me when we were talking. That conversation really made me understand what is missing in our relationship. We should just set aside a day(s) where it is only you and I. Just spend a day with each other and enjoy each others company. I do not think we have been having that lately so its affecting us little by little. Hopefully I will be able to find those days where we can just chill and enjoy. I really hope there will be a day that will happen.
As for now, I will just keep going until I get to see you again and be with you again. It is a little sad but what can I do. Time is the only thing that is needed to be finished in order to get to you. I will hold on to those words that you said to me.
I will never forget it.
`~CheckedOut!
If I think about it, it could probably be a couple of things. Maybe the routine of my day or summer is just not as exciting and eventful as it could be. Maybe there is something else there that I do not know and it is causing this. It is a bother really. I guess I'm loosing excitement in my current situation. Not sure what my situation may be but I know for the fact that I am not very happy on where I stand. Maybe I should find something that will make me feel excited or more energetic. I might be burned out...
On the other hand though, I know you are right. I want to thank you for knocking some sense into me when we were talking. That conversation really made me understand what is missing in our relationship. We should just set aside a day(s) where it is only you and I. Just spend a day with each other and enjoy each others company. I do not think we have been having that lately so its affecting us little by little. Hopefully I will be able to find those days where we can just chill and enjoy. I really hope there will be a day that will happen.
As for now, I will just keep going until I get to see you again and be with you again. It is a little sad but what can I do. Time is the only thing that is needed to be finished in order to get to you. I will hold on to those words that you said to me.
I will never forget it.
`~CheckedOut!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Couples
Every time I see a couple spending time together; even if the only thing they are doing are:
- holding hands
- spending time with each other even though they really don't know what to do
- having a meal together
- walking together
- hugging each other
- talking on the phone
- laughing together
- having their playful fights
and many other different ways a couple interacts with one another, it makes me smile and makes me feel good that there are times where two people can just enjoy themselves with one another and bathe in that feeling that they both are experiencing when they are together.
It makes my heart feel really nice and warm every time I see it. It is a feeling that people can experience when that feeling appears. Its just so wonderful to have when its there. It's like eating something that you haven't had in such a long time and tasting it once more and you remember all those past feelings that were so good at that time.
I wish I could get it soon.
I miss that feeling.
`~CheckedOut!
- holding hands
- spending time with each other even though they really don't know what to do
- having a meal together
- walking together
- hugging each other
- talking on the phone
- laughing together
- having their playful fights
and many other different ways a couple interacts with one another, it makes me smile and makes me feel good that there are times where two people can just enjoy themselves with one another and bathe in that feeling that they both are experiencing when they are together.
It makes my heart feel really nice and warm every time I see it. It is a feeling that people can experience when that feeling appears. Its just so wonderful to have when its there. It's like eating something that you haven't had in such a long time and tasting it once more and you remember all those past feelings that were so good at that time.
I wish I could get it soon.
I miss that feeling.
`~CheckedOut!
Sunday, February 14, 2010
At the moment...
I really wish it would come.
Reading the different reasons for not arriving gives me but little reassurance
Just arrive already so that I won't have to worry/wonder anymore...
Please please please!!
`~Checkedout!
Reading the different reasons for not arriving gives me but little reassurance
Just arrive already so that I won't have to worry/wonder anymore...
Please please please!!
`~Checkedout!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Feelings atm
Sometimes I feel I am out of the loop.
A lot of people seem to be going ahead and using their higher knowledge of "whatever the topic may be" so that they could put their finger on it and it will be more likely to be true and then the discussion will end. I don't know if its just me being sensitive (which I hope I am not) but sometimes I think it kills the moment of having a nice and continuous conversation.
Especially with some of my friends where when I talk to them... they have to use what they have learned in school and apply it to their everyday lives (which I give 10x of koodos to them) but don't come up and say:
"**insert word here**... you know, its **insert definition of word here**. Didn't you learn it at York?"
It bothers me so much to hear that... I don't learn the same thing as you! I'm not in the same class as you or program as you. Heck! I don't even go to your school! How the heck am I suppose to know a word that only you are expose too. You're probably in some science or natural science, math, english, anthro, politics or whatever program you are. Great job to you that your doing all that things in your program and like to express it to the world but don't put people down in the process of it. I am sometimes so close to hurting you but you know me, I don't want to hurt anyone.
I guess this was more of a rant than a feelings atm huh? LOL
I hope today gets better... >__<
`~CheckedOut!
A lot of people seem to be going ahead and using their higher knowledge of "whatever the topic may be" so that they could put their finger on it and it will be more likely to be true and then the discussion will end. I don't know if its just me being sensitive (which I hope I am not) but sometimes I think it kills the moment of having a nice and continuous conversation.
Especially with some of my friends where when I talk to them... they have to use what they have learned in school and apply it to their everyday lives (which I give 10x of koodos to them) but don't come up and say:
"**insert word here**... you know, its **insert definition of word here**. Didn't you learn it at York?"
It bothers me so much to hear that... I don't learn the same thing as you! I'm not in the same class as you or program as you. Heck! I don't even go to your school! How the heck am I suppose to know a word that only you are expose too. You're probably in some science or natural science, math, english, anthro, politics or whatever program you are. Great job to you that your doing all that things in your program and like to express it to the world but don't put people down in the process of it. I am sometimes so close to hurting you but you know me, I don't want to hurt anyone.
I guess this was more of a rant than a feelings atm huh? LOL
I hope today gets better... >__<
`~CheckedOut!
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